Sunday, April 26, 2009

Well, over a month ago I came home from 10 days in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and promised not one but three posts!! So far I've posted exactly none of them. The ironic part is that the first that I wanted to write was on vacation and rest while it has been sheer busyness and exhaustion that has kept me from it.

So here's the thing. I'm not good at resting. I'm not good at sitting still. I'm not good at taking time off. I'm not good at doing things for me just because I want to. I'm much more adept at busyness, working, hurrying and going. There are pragmatic reasons that necessitate some of the activity but certainly not all of it. The rest is, well, the rest is me.

I fight against it. I know it's not right or particularily healthy and yet somehow it seems to still define me. It's a compulsion. A defense.

Now there's honesty for you!

One of the things that I appreciated was that in Mexico, it didn't have to define me. I took off 10 days. No work. No email. No cell phone. No being pulled in a dozen directions. No expectations.

We did have plans. That's one of the things that I love about my family. It's not about lounging around on the beach all day every day. While there was time for that, and it was fantastic, I'm not sure which one of us would have been driven crazy first by making that a 24-7 lifestyle. The thing is that the plans are different.

We had time for adventure and for exploring. There was time for creativity - I thoroughly enjoyed playing with my camera! We were active but it was a different kind of activity. I'm not even sure how to explain it but it was different. We played hard and went to bed exhausted every night but were still satisfied and relaxed.

There was something rejuvinating about that kind of activity. It was good.

There's something even better about that kind of activity surrounded by moments of stillness, quiet and rest.

And, with all that in mind, it certainly didn't hurt that it was 34 degrees there while it was snowing here. A warm break like that makes our seemingly ever extending winters seem a little bit more unbearable!

I guess that's why people take vacations!!

With all that said, It's not that all of the activity here is bad. For the most part, I love my jobs. I'm active and healthy. Challenged and fulfilled.

The problem comes when, in the midst of that, there's no room for the good kind of activity or for rest. I would like to find room for more good activity. Moments of adventure, exploring and creativity. I'd also like to find more room for rest...and perhaps more ability.

Perhaps that aspect of my time away is even more profound in contrast to the way life has been since I've come home. Unable to sleep. Anxious. Unsettled. Restless.

It's not reasonable - although I can't say I haven't thought about it - to jump on a plane and leave town every time one needs a break. It is, however, possible to find a better sense of rythm in the everyday of life.

I'm not sure what else I'm getting at but that I thoroughly enjoyed the break. I felt rested and at rest when I came home. I want to find a way to capture a bit of that here.

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