As I wrote the title for this post, I was thinking of Goldilocks and the three bears. I don't know why that's in my mind right now but it is...weird. This post wasn't supposed to be about bears at all. Bring it together, Stace. Stay on topic. Phew.
Okay, here goes. I'm back in the office again. It's been pretty tough to focus on work stuff but the conversations with students make it all worth while. I'm sure I've said it before but I love my students! They're amazing.
One recent conversation brought up a question that I don't have an answer for so I thought I would throw it out to any who might actually read my ramblings. Truthfully, as a single girl, it's probably good information for me too so here goes:
In dating/marriage relationships, what is an acceptable age difference between the partners? What is too much older? Too much younger?
I have no idea how to advise anyone in this area. What is "just right?"
5 comments:
Hmmm. Age difference for most people translates into a comfort level. People with a big age gap stay together despite the difference. And people the same age split. And vice versa. I think it depends on the people involved in the relationship. But who determines what is 'just rignt'? The couple, or the people around them?
Laura is four years older than me. Not a huge difference, but not small either. Our attraction didn't really involve our age, nor was it really about where we were in our lives when we met (holy cats were we in different stages of our lives!). What it came down to was basically this miraculous string of discoveries...in a nutshell, figuring out that we meshed perfectly. I don't mean perfect match (that's impossible); I mean, overlaps in all the right areas (some were areas I didn't know mattered to me at first).
So I guess I would say...it depends! That's my ambiguous non-answer. =)
As a cradle robber...I say go Young all the way. I will be forever Young. Seriously though, I am 1 1/2 years older than Wayne. Almost everyone who has ever tried to guess our ages always pegs Wayne as the older one. I think age is very much relative to the relationship. When Wayne and I started dating, he was 18 and I was 20. Wayne was far more mature than the men I dated in their twenties and offered something much different than I was accustomed to. I agree with dunn and who determines it's 'just right'. That is up to the couple. Although, I have a hard time wrapping my head around people who are 15+ years apart in age.
Hmmm...so really what you're saying is that I just need to have some good conversation with this student to get them thinking about the "just right"?
Annemarie...I love the pun ;) Go young all the way...
I've read this blog when first posted but just now I'm going to comment.
Most of my buddies used a +/- system. They picked a number they felt comfortable. My number ended up being 4.
As a guy. I prefer to be the older one, but being single for the last 2 years and being 25 turning 26 (beggers can't be choosers!!!). All kidding aside, if the attraction is there, both people have similar goals, "Age ain't nothing but a number (The late Aaliyah).
But I've gone on a couple dates or even coffee runs with a couple girls that were -4 from my age and the conversation wanted me to run for the door. Maturity wins out in the end.
I think you cross a threshold where age really doesn't become a factor any more. My guess is that it's around 20 or so. I think it has to do more with the maturing of the picture of the qualities you're looking for in a wife/husband, and a readiness in your own heart to make that committment with someone. Now these are significant things I'm talking about but people can be at different ages and "be ready."
This may sound a little over simplified but in the end I think it's an individual choice that works for each couple. There's really no hard and fast rule one you cross the threshold.
For the record Sarah is 5 1/2 years younger than me...
Good question BTW
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