CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE

You'll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of rum

Sample the rum to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the rum
again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a
large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure
the rum is still OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two
leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on
the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it
goose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the rum.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts. Add one table. Spoon the
sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the
cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw
the bowl out of the window. Check the rum again and go to bed.