Winds of Change

Yes, the winds of change are gusting through my world and I can confidently say that rather than chilling me to the core, I'm finding a comforting sort of peace within the gale.

This is the last week of my time of employment at the college. Friday is my last day as Admissions Coordinator and Assistant Marketing Coordinator at Alberta Bible College. I'll have a couple of weeks off and then I'll hit the road one last time (I think) as the Assistant Director/Pro-D Provider for the CCUFairs.

While this is a big change for me, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is merely an outward sign of even more significant change happening within me. I'm not even sure that I can put it all into words but I'm going to try.

The most obvious question people have asked upon hearing of my resignation at ABC (after "so, what's next?" to which I typically respond, "I have no idea.") has been some form of my own personal favorite: "why?" In the 2 months, I've had a lot of different answers to that. One of my favorites is my answer to my students. I keep telling them that it's time for me to put into practice all the things that I've been telling them about seeking out God and His plans for their futures, about being a good steward of who He has made them to be and about not being afraid of the journey of life. It's true and it makes sense to them. What sort of hypocrite would I be if, knowing where I was six months ago, I hadn't made this decision?

Most importantly, though, is that it's about obedience. I know this is the right decision, even if I don't know the full story. It's here that Abraham's story has been influential in my life. Abraham is known for being a friend of God. Lifted up as a hero of faithfulness in the book of Hebrews. God and Abraham.They were friends because they both chose to be present with the other, putting themselves in the position of friends with each other and because of that, Abraham could trust God even when he didn't see the fulfillment of God's promises right away. Abraham lived in the gap, sometimes full of faith and sometimes stumbling. Take Ishmael for example. Abraham took things into his own hands. It was acceptable cultural practice. Probably didn't seem out of the norm to most of the people surrounding them. Thing is, it wasn't the way that God had it lined up. He talked about moving from the known to the unknown, becoming a stranger and how that usually happens in times of crisis. When my pastor preached through Abraham's story a couple months ago he asked this question: "how do you respond when living in the gap between the promise or what you want and the fulfillment of God?" Talk about hitting me to the core! How have I lived these last couple years "in the gap?" I feel as though I've been on a rollercoaster ride between wholeness and disaster. True highs and lows but hopefully always returning to the Father, my friend, who I can trust. Similar to Abraham, I suppose.

I feel as though there is so much in Abraham's story I'm bringing into my world. I trust God because I know God. This is my leap of faith much like Abraham leaving what he knew and what was safe (even if it wasn't always fun...see some parallels!?) for what God was offering. I feel like God has been asking me, "do you trust me?" All I want is to be able to say yes to that question in my life. Who better to trust my comings and my goings to?!

Isaiah 40:31 reads: "The one who waits on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall soar on wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not be faint." I've gained a whole new understanding about this. I truly feel like I finally get what it means to wait on the Lord. My every action in all of this is in waiting on His leading. I'm leaning in, longing to hear His voice and see His plans. I feel consistently stronger and more alive than I have in a long, long time.

It's been fun to get glimpses of who God is making me through all this. I love working with people, especially young people and kids. I was reminded of my time in Vulcan and the opportunities there and how all through my time at ABC it's been investing in students' lives that has kept me feeling like I'm using what it is that God has put in me as a part of his image. It's in those contexts that I feel like me, that I actually have energy, creativity and confidence. But it's not all about me. I've been blessed with moments this summer through which I've been able to see clearly the impact that I've had on some of the students that have been in my sphere of influence. It's a humbling thought to realize that I can have an impact on someone's life, a kingdom impact. It's something I never want to stop being a part of! I love to write, to teach and to talk. I love opportunities to have those one on one conversations with people that matter, whether it's theology or the day to day happenings of life. I love fun and laughter. Variety. Adventure. Activity. I love when people see that they have value. I love learning and information, sometimes even just for the sake of new information. Weird, I know. I am passionate and stubborn and feisty...and am okay, really okay, with that. I love cooking and share that as an act of care. I am at home when I can be hospitable, both with my home and with my self. I love to be creative, seeing the big picture and finding ways to make the details match, finding new and innovative ways to accomplish old things. I need to achieve goals, big and small. I need freedom but within the safety of healthy community. I am unique and need to be able to give freely of who I am for the sake of the Kingdom.

I have no idea what comes next. I have some thoughts on what I want to be doing next. I want to be working with people, especially young people. I want to be able to invest in lives and share what God has been teaching me. I got to speak (surprise!) at DVM teen camp the week that I was out there and was able to share much of my story. I was humbled to see the reaction of the campers and realize how much of what God has brought me through he is continuing to redeem as I share it with others. I want to be able to take care of myself, both physically and emotionally. I want to do my part to live in a place of wholeness, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I want to be challenged. I want to be creative. I want more...and I think it's coming.

I know, too, that my time with the fairs will give me a chance to test some things about myself. Teaching. Public Speaking. Leading. I'm looking forward to it. The thing that's exciting me the most is the chance to be on the fairs without the responsibility of representing a school. I am there for the recruiters - to encourage, lift up and share what I've learned with my peers. That makes me excited.

God has surprised me in the way he works. First, I feel completely content, if not excited. I tend to analyze a lot. I'm not a big fan of big decisions...I sometimes deal with buyers remorse...but not here. I feel really excited about what God is going to do. There's things I'll miss. I know I'm going to miss my students, my kids, like crazy. As much as I have impacted them, they have impacted me ten-fold. They have been my friends and my teachers. I trust God to take care of this, too, and anticipate how He will.

I'm finding contentment.

I know my personality. I know that I'm a bit of a control freak. I understand that. I also understand, with that in mind, that a big change like this without a full plan in place (read, 5 year plan!) would normally freak me right out. Normally. In this, however, I have found peace. I can't say there's not moments of fear but my state of being has, and I pray will continue to be, one of peace, rest and anticipation.

Last thing: I've been reading Jeremiah. Not the most uplifting book through the whole thing but there's nuggets, for sure. Anyway, back to Jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the plans I have for you..." What's been exciting for me is putting that oft quoted verse in context. Here's a group of people that did anything but seek God and got lost into exile for it but God's still got plans for them. He says "seek me and you will find me when you seem me with your whole heart." That's what God wants from me, from us. Seek him. His plan is to be friends with us. He wants me to choose Him too. That's when he promises to restore the Israelites from captivity. That's when He plans to restore and prosper. And so I choose to seek him, not for the rewards of prosperity but for the reward of being a friend of God.

A friend of mine keeps reminding me to enjoy the process...I'm starting to...and trying to.

As transition comes, I'm trying to embrace it. I want to stand strong as the winds of change blow. Like the wise man who built his house on the rock, I choose to trust that my foundation is sure and move forward with confidence that the God who has been faithful all through Scripture, all through history, and who knit me together in my mother's womb will continue to be faithful yesterday, today and forever. I'm in good hands.

I'm trying...

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
~Herm Albright~

Mother Angelica

“[God] expects me to operate on a faith level, not a knowledge level. He expects me to operate—if I don’t have the money, if I don’t have the brains, if I don’t have the talent—in faith. You know what faith is? Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air and a queasy feeling in the stomach.”

*From her biography, Mother Angelica: The Remarkable Story of a Nun, Her Nerve, and a Network of Miracles, as written by Raymond Arroyo.

I Didn't Make the List...

...but another Stacey did. Check out the latest ranking of the most powerful women in the world here. There were some surprises for me!

Celebrity Blogs: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As if they don't already get enough publicity, celebrities are increasingly joining the ranks of the blogosphere. Here Fast Company writers spotlight some of the best -- and some of the worst.

A Conversation Between Friends: Are You Willing to Look Inside Yourself, Friend?

The following is an excerpt from The Monday Morning Memo for Aug. 20, 2007, Roy H. Williams, the Wizard of Ads

Do you ever ask yourself hard-to-answer questions like, “What am I trying to make happen?” “How will I measure success?” “What is holding me back?”

Rarely do we question our own objectives. Even more rarely do we question our emotions.People whose feelings ride close to the surface are quick to use words like “passion.”

My good friend Marley said it one time too many the other day, so I interrupted, “Define passion for me please, but accurately, not poetically.”

“What do you mean?”

“Name the ingredients of passion.”

I listened to my buddy ramble and fumble for a minute, then interrupted him by holding up a finger and saying, “One ingredient would be desire, don’t you think?”

“Yes, desire is part of passion.”

“What would be the second part?” I asked.

Marley looked at me blankly for a moment, then raised his eyebrows and turned both his palms upward.

I held up a second finger, “Commitment.”

When Marley speaks of passion, he’s referring to desire with commitment. Unlike most people, Marley is willing to pay the price, suffer the consequences, live up to the obligations of the things he loves. But most people who say “passion” refer only to a desire that provides them escape from boredom.Have you chosen a purpose? Is your commitment to your purpose higher than your desire for personal comfort? Most people drift across the surface of life without ever seeing the guiding beacon of purpose. They fail to see it because they’re not looking for it.Purpose is more often chosen than appointed.Do you want to experience the joys and pains of it?Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.

Roy H. Williams

What happens in Vegas...

Current Read

The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering the Hidden Life In God

Who am I not!?

I found this quote in one of my marketing journals this morning:

"To better understand who your employees are and what drives them to succeed, perhaps it's easiest to understand who they are not."

Cam Marston, author, Motivating the "What's In It For Me?" Workforce

I realized however, that this is a critical point not only in the awareness of others (and not only in an employee/employer relationship) but also critical in my own self awareness. As I work through the process - again! - of asking "who am I?" I must also - and, fortunately, am - ask "who am I not?"

The catch, of course, is not asking "what am I not?" for the sake of dredging up weaknesses or beating myself up but, with an attitude of acceptance, removing the barriers of things I'm not so that, in the process, I am free to discover who I really am.

For example, I know that I am not a morning person. I don't think a day should really start before 7:30 if not 8am. Why on earth would I want to get out of bed at any point before that? In fact, for me to truly be satisfied, I should be waking up somewhere between 8:30 and 9:30 without an alarm. On the flip side, I do my best work in the afternoon and can go long into the evening hours. This is a bit of self awareness I have gained and so I try, within the limitations of "the real world," to structure my day accordingly, so that I can function at my best. I answer emails first thing in the morning or work on stats and reporting first thing. While I do have to be detailed, I can move at my own pace. Meetings, however, are saved for the afternoon when I'm at my best.

I give myself the freedom to "not be" certain things for the purpose of discovering and releasing who I am.

Typically, however, our world does not work this way. We look at self improvement as finding our weaknesses and eradicating them. Our entire education system is about making us better in all areas, equal in all as possible. We don't admit weakness. Success is often defined as being able to eradicate them.

What if, instead of focusing on what we're weakest at and trying to improve, we looked at what we have natural tendencies toward or abilities in and worked to enhance those areas of our lives? Can you imagine the talent that could potentially be released? The level of true success and satisfaction people would achieve?

That's what I want. I'm excited to continue on this discovery of myself, embracing both what I am and what I'm not....because that's the way I'm made.

Please Pray

I got to meet my friend Dayna's little blessing today. His name is Caleb and he is cute beyond words. I could tell by watching her with him that she is blessed by his very presence. There's something nearly magical about the addition of a little one to a family. There's a reason we call it a miracle! It's easy, in those moments, to be reminded that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father above.

Another friend's story, however, is a lot harder to make sense of. Dan and Laura Collins (Dan has been a fellow recruiter up until recently), recently suffered the loss of their little one. It's a heart breaking story, one I encourage you to read to get the full picture of, and yet through it, Laura writes that it's like the song "Blessed Be Your Name" and quotes the lyrics of the song, "He gives and takes away." To me, that is the miracle of this story. The faith when life doesn't make sense. The hope when even tomorrow seems like too much to bear. The willing surrender to One who is faithful even when we hurt. The strength that endures in the midst of grief unimaginable.

If you think about it, please pray with me for Laura, Dan and their extended family.

Franz Ferdinand...pirates?

We all know that the digital age has changed the music industry. From mp3's and itunes to file sharing and pirating, it's a whole new ballgame. Most in the music industry, it seems, find the changes implorable. Franz Ferdinand, on the other hand, seems to have a taken it as a challenge for higher quality music and are encouraging fans to download their newest tracks. Check out their views here.

Just a Reminder

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."
~Marcus Aurelius

Current Read

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K.Rowling

...just about caught up so that I can go see the most recent Potter movie to hit theatres!

Have Patience...

"Without patience there can be no real self-denial nor true submission to the will of God in adversity. Without it there is no contentment in every state, no thankfulness for every mercy."

~John Gill (A Body of Practical Divinity, 1769)

Calling all Mac Users

I have a question. I'm using a mac now and, while I'm likely a mac user for life, I'm finding Blogger a little more difficult to find the commands I want, particularily when composing. I'm using the Safari browser and I don't think Blogger likes it too much. Any of you run into the same thing? If so, how did you get around it

The Strong Silent Type

I have to admit that yes, I know, I've been a bad blogger as of late. The strong, silent type. I feel like I just haven't blogged at all lately, definitely not up to my usual caliber. I know many would find this hard to believe but I just haven't had all that much to say...or maybe that there's just a lot going on inside my head and I'm not sure how to say it...or a combination of the two. Anyway, I promise to raise the bar on my blog soon. Until then, consider this a little reprieve, a bit of peace and quiet. I just haven't been blogging...then again, I haven't been watching the news, reading the paper or generally keeping up with the world either. Perhaps that's why I have nothing to say....

Current Read

The Road, Cormac McCarthy

Bundles of Joy

I'm excited to make a public welcome to two new little friends.

Caleb Chu joined us on July 26, 2007, surprising his mommy and daddy by arriving 5 weeks early but we sure are glad to have him here safe and sound. You can see pictures on Dayna's blog.

If that wasn't enough excitement, today, my dear friends Kelly and Al Klassen became mommy and daddy! Logan Murray Klassen made his arrival this afternoon. He's just a little guy, just over 6 lbs, but is loved like crazy! I'm sure pictures will follow!!

I can't wait to meet you both!

Welcome to our world, little ones!!

Love Provoked by Love Given

I've been reading Mark Buchanan's walk through 2 Peter 1:1-9 -oddly enough, that's our theme passage for this year at ABC and, coincidentally, at the heart of many recent conversations lately- and have been struck by his understanding of each of the virtues listed. Love, however, the last in Peter's list, is the one that has captured my attention.

He talks about love, agape love, not just being unconditional love, as we often define agape, but unprovoked love. I like that. We hear about unprovoked attacks, random acts of violence committed on some poor, unwitting victim who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, but not often do we hear of unprovoked goodness let alone unprovoked love. That's the way I want to love: unprovoked.

He takes it a little further though. "I said that agape is unprovoked love. That's only half true. In God, it is unprovoked. But in us, it is provoked - by God. God sparks it, fels it, stokes it. 'This is love,' John says, 'not that we loved God, but that he loved us'...That love - God's agape for you - is the only thing that can provoke agape in us toward the least of these, the most of these, the worst of these" (Hidden in Plain Sight, pg. 190).

Then he tells a story:

"Tracy is one of the worship leaders at our church. One Sunday, as she sat at the piano, she talked about the difficult week she'd just been through. It was chaotic, she said, a mess of petty crises on top of a rash of minor accidents, all mixed up in a soupcon of crazy busyness. It had left her weary and cranky. She got up that Sunday to lead worship and felt spent, with nothing more to give.

She walked into the living room, and the window was covered with scrawl. Her eight-year-old daughter Brenna (I call her Lucy, because of her pitch-perfect resemblance to the character by that name in the movie adaptation of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe) had with a glass crayon scribbled something, top to bottom, side to side, across the picture window. At first, it seemed to Tracy one more thing to do, one more mess to clean. The she saw what Brenna had written: love, joy, peace, patience, kindnece, goodnece, faithfulnece, gentelnece and selfcantrol (Brenna's delightful spelling).

Tracy stopped, drank it in. Her heart flooded with light. It was exactly what she needed to be reminded about: the gift of the fruit of te Spirit that arises, not by our circumstances, but by Christ within us.

And then Tracy noticed one more thing Brenna had written, at the edge of the window: Love one another. Only Brenna, in her creative spelling, had written,

Love

won

another.

It's what Jesus has been trying to tell us all along. You were won that way. Now go and do likewise." (Hidden in Plain Sight, pg 191).

I want to live like that. I'm getting there but I still have a long way to go. All of the virtues Peter talks about mean nothing, I think, without this. "The greatest of these is love," Paul says, in a discussion of the gifts of the Spirit. He understood.

I need to choose, every day, every minute and every hour, to accept the gift of love that God has so graciously bestowed on me, unprovoked, and go and do likewise. To live a life of significance is not to be great at doing many (or even one!) things or to do all of the good things in the world if love is not the motivator. To live a life of significance is to be loving...because we are loved...because I am loved.

I've been thinking, again, about the life of Christ, the story He lived in. He did a lot of great things. He healed people, fed people, preached to the masses. He cleared out the temple. He cast demons out. He even raised people from the dead! All of these things were great but what made His life signficant was that He loved people. He died and rose again because He loved people. He gave up His rights, His well being, His place in the throne room of heaven, because he loved. All he did and all he was was motivated by love.

To think he loves me, he loves us, that much.

Go...and do likewise.

A New Fan Favorite

For a long time now I've sat on the sidelines when it comes to sharing quotes and laughs from "The Office." Recently, though, my friend, Sheyne, introduced me to the joys of Steve Carrell's office management and his crew of employees. I love the randomness and the "close-to-life-ness" of it all. I've now finished the first season and half of the second. I've got a little more to go before the next season starts! That's a whole lot to catch up on...

Current Read(s)

Hidden In Plain Sight, Mark Buchanan

CANADIAN TEMPERATURE GUIDE

50 degrees F. (10 C.)
- Floridians shiver uncontrollably
- Canadians plant their gardens

35 degrees F. (2 C.)
- Italian cars won't start
- Canadians drive with their windows down

32 degrees F. (0 C.)
- American water freezes
- Canadian's water gets thicker

0 degrees F. (-17 )
- New York City landlords finally turn on the heat
- Canadians have the last BBQ of the season

-60 degrees F. (-51C.)
- Mt. St. Helens freezes
- Canadian Brownies sell their cookies door to door

-100 degrees F. (- 73 C.)
- Santa Claus abandons the North pole
- Ottawa's Rideau Canal opens for skating

-173 degrees F. (-114 C.)
- Ethyl alcohol freezes
- Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg

-460 degrees F. (-273C.) Absolute zero
- All atomic motion stops
- Canadians start saying 'Cold, eh?'

-500 degrees F. (-295C.)
- Hell freezes over
- Leafs win the Stanley Cup

Smile if you're a leafs fan...you know you want to!!

Current Read(s)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling



Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi, David Crowder

Random Ramblings from Jam Packed June and July

Hold your breath no longer, dear blog world, I have returned. No longer must you wait for me to share my wit and wisdom with you.

Oh man, truthfully, I'm just amazed anyone reads this stuff! Everytime I leave for an extended period and people notice, I'm surprised. Then again, I'm just surprised at how long it's been since I've actually posted. I guess life is full of surprises.

I warned you there would be random ramblings.

Anyway, June and July have been jam packed. I'm thankful to finally have a day off to catch my breath and catch up on all the stuff that I've been missing!

Where to begin...hmmm...quick timeline.

June 20 - Recertified my lifeguarding. This could come in really handy - already has - plus I was reminded that I'm a bit of a fish. I love the water. Too bad God didn't give me gills...although I think I'd look a little funny...funnier.

June 21 - car breaks down in Ponoka. No, friends, it was not a freudian breakdown. I should not have been the one left behind in Ponoka. Thanks for the thought though. Very encouraging!

June 26 - Serve Day with Journey Church. We shut the doors of the church and hit the streets to serve with several other churches in the community. It was a really great day with our church family. I admit I wrestled with the programmed side of it. It seems a little, um, forced, i guess, when everything is scheduled and advertised and, well, programmed but then again, that's the way you build a habit, right? I got thinking about how I get myself into the habit of going to the gym (which I haven't done well for a long time). I schedule it in. I plan to go. I get someone else to come with me so that there's accountability...and eventually it's a habit. Same with this. And we had fun. Most of us were in Cranston but there were teams all over. Some pretty neat stories came out of it!

June 30-July 6 - Pine Lake Christian Camp Senior High Camp. I love camp and I love summer. Pine Lake is becoming a very dear place to me, full of many great memories. This is one of my best "work" weeks of the year - yes, it's part of my job! I am so thankful for the campers I get to spend time with...they're great! Plus, it's always fun to work with a team of my peers to run the thing. I could ramble forever just on how good camp was but I shouldn't so highlight...hmmm...highlight...can I say the food? It was. I really like Chantelle's buns. Other highlight, my cabin of girls. They're great....fantastic young women. Oh and music with the team was fun. And the accents. Oh the memories...Stop the rambling, Stace. Yikes.

July 7 - Journey hosts Cranston Community Stampede breakfast. Okay, this was great fun. I wasn't supposed to be able to be here for this and missed last year so I was super excited when it worked out that I could be there this year. It was awesome to see the field FULL of people enjoying themselves, the music and, yes, the pancakes and sausages that our people provided. Plus, the team did an incredible job. They fed 1300 people in only a few hours!!!! Awesome! I say "they" because I just wandered around visiting, laughing and taking pictures...but I was there and it was great. I love my church!!!

July 7-12 - DVM Teen Camp, Lumby BC. Another incredible week. Let me point out though that I was exhasted already when I got there! If you happen to see pictures of me doing anything stupid, keep that in mind. First off, it was hot. One day got up to 48 degrees!!! I love hot weather but I think I start to droop about there. Whoo! To keep cool we either went to Echo Lake to swim - one of the most beautiful sites in Canada, I swear!) - or played on the slip and slide. Seriously so much fun. Again, love the campers to death. There are a lot of good people in little ole' Lumby, BC. Girls' night out was pretty great too. I've never done that at a camp before. We split the girls and the guys right after supper and had seperate "events" with them. We didn't regroup until the next morning. It was such a good way to just hang out and get to know each other without distractions. Yes, sometimes boys are distracting. I had the opportunity to speak. Even though I rambled a wee bit (are you surprised!?) it was definitely a highlight of the week for me! I love it!!! I was surprised by how natural it felt. Probably because I love those people so much!!


July 13 - back for Friday of Journey Day Camp. Playing with kids. Acting out stories. Avalanche ranch. A day of swimming (lifeguarding for me) at Lake Sundance. What could be better!? Hats off to the team that worked all week to host the kids. They had so much fun and I could tell that they'd really absorbed stuff from the week. It was a real treat for me to be a part of it, even if just for the day!

So that's the basics of it all. Add in birthday parties, BBQ's, a mudfight at the river, a visit with my brother and heading back to the office to face the piles of stuff that had accumulated while I was away and you've basically got my last month. There's basically a picture diary in shutterfly if you can last through it (none of the piles of work though. That wasn't very fun!).

There were a couple of lessons that I picked up on while I was away...or at least things I was reminded of.

I was humbled to realize the impact that I have on the people around me. Arriving at both camps, I was met with what can only be described as celebration. People jumping up from what they were doing to come for a hug or jumping up and down excited to see me. Campers that I've developed relationships with over the years pulling me aside to confide significant things in me and ask for my advice. Incredibly humbling. Who am I? I am loved....and I love them.

I do love them. I was reminded again of just how much I love working with youth and young adults. At both camps I had the privilege of working alongside some of my students as we served youth. I was in my glory...I was at home and, some would say, at peace with myself. I LOVE the energy and excitement. I love the questions they ask. I remember what it's like to be there. Heck, sometimes I still am! Most of all, I love being able to share life with them, the good the bad and the ugly, and be a part of their lives, allowing them to become a part of mine. I love, too, that God is redeeming the crap in my past for these guys. The things I've lived and learned through is relevant to them too. Pretty incredible.

As you can imagine, I drove a lot. I like to think that when I'm driving the random thoughts I have - and conversations, let's just be honest - are actually quite profound and don't just sound that way because I'm bored. Here's one of my favorites. I've decided that how a person drives is actually quite indicitive of how they live life. I drive fast. I'm probably deserving of more speeding tickets than I've received, I admit. That said, I think I'm quite cautious - my driving instructor once confirmed that although it was a while ago. Only so risky. Set me in a direction and I can go for hours without stopping. Focused. Even though I'm focused on driving, I'm usually doing more than one thing at a time. I drive with a notebook in the passenger seat for my "deep" thoughts. I take tons of music and sermons with me. Always singing, always learning. I love to observe nature around me. I sometimes wish I could stop more often and take pictures but I'm usually "racing" myself to better my time from the last time I did it. Maybe that's a little curious to the rest of you, but that's what I do. I'm not really patient either. I grumble at other drivers when they impede my process. Don't they know there's a goal to reach, here!? Where did they learn how to drive? And how come their driving abilities don't meet my standards? I'm making myself sound like a real jerk here...especially when i say that most of this is how I live my life. Crap. It's true though. Try it. Next time you go on a longer trip, see how you drive and analyze it a bit. How well does it reflect who you are?

After all that, this is how I feel:



Aren't you glad I'm back. Betcha missed me!!!

So here's my question...do people not read or do they do things like this on purpose?

The Soundtrack of your Life

here's another one of those "story of your life" things that I stole. It's kinda fun to play with, especially for someone like me who's life really does seem to have it's own soundtrack!

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...


Opening Credits: Twilight, Vanessa Carlton
Waking Up: Open Skies, David Crowder
First Day of School: Chatahoochee, Alan Jackson
Falling in Love: Take What's Mine, Baumer
Fight Song: The Wishes Pile Up, Jim Bryson
Breaking Up: Absurd, Fluke
Prom: You Still Believe in Me, The Beach Boys
Life: Electrified and Ripe, Steve Durand
Mental Breakdown: Lovely, Shawn McDonald
Driving: Surfin', The Beach Boys
Flashback: 21st Century, Red Hot Chili Peppers
Getting Back Together: Life Is, Sarah Kelly
Wedding: 301 Hoist the Colours, The Pirates of the Carribean, At World's End
Birth of a Child: A Message, Coldplay
Final Battle: You'll Never Find Another Love, Michael Buble
Death Scene: Young at Heart, joss Stone
Funeral Song: The Legend Spreads, James Horner (Braveheart)
End Credits: If this Isn't Love, Paul Brandt

It's kindof funny how it works...now to write the screenplay...

Be Still and Know...

I always hear that summer is this relaxing time. Vacations. Leisurely strolls in the park or visits on a patio. Days on the beach. This is the time that life is supposed to slow down, or so I've heard. It sure doesn't seem that way, though. I keep getting asked when I get my holiday over the summer, like it's a natural assumption to make, and realize, that for me, this is not reality.

I just scanned through some of my favorite blogs and it seems that all of us have taken a sort of siesta break from our blogging ways. My confession is that all my spare computer time has been absorbed in learning all the intricasies of my new baby macbook. Man, I love being a mac owner. That aside, computer time, or any rest time, for that matter, just has not been nearly as frequent as I'd like. Not that blogging is the answer by any means, but perhaps I'm using it as an indicator. It seems like far too many of us are moving at high speed with a multitude of things fighting for top priority.

I need rest.

How do we let it happen: letting busyness take over, I mean?

Normally, I'm at least pretty protective of my Monday nights but lately it just seems like there's more and more going on until I feel like I'm careening through the journey of life, just trying to stay on the road. It's all worthy stuff but there's just too much. This journey feels like travelling on Deerfoot in rush hour...not the stopped, not moving anywhere kind but the chaotic, every man for himself kind, traffic weaving in and out, sudden breaking and non-existant turning signals. I know I've hit that point when sleep is difficult and I lay in bed either reviewing the past events or charting out the hours and days to come.

I need to slow down.

There's a couple of us at work that have been "working" to make this a priority. We've recently been blessed with the completion of the prayer garden at the College (I'll try to post pics this afternoon). It has been a complete paradise for me - especially when the sun is shining - and there's moments in which I'm convinced I've just got a glimpse of what Eden was intended to be...right here in Calgary. It seems silly, really, that that's all it takes but it's so important! The context is important! Anyway, we've been taking 10-15 minutes of our lunch break to pray together and share scripture.

See, I'm learning that there's two kinds of stillness; one that stills the body, a physical stop or change or pace. That type of stillness, however, does not necessarily require, cause or allow a stillness of the mind, the other kind of stillness, the one, I think, that's more important. So that's what we're trying to do, both in community and on our own.

Yesterday, it hit home again that this is why we do this: to be still and know that He is God and I am not. Here's just a few of the Scriptures we read that were great reminders...

Psalm 23:2
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.

Matthew 14:23
After he had dismissed them, he went on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.

Luke 5:16
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed

Jesus took time. He didn't try to do it all at once or without being connected to His Father.

I've been thinking alot about who I want to be and what I want my life to look like. The overarching picture for me is that I want to be like Jesus and that means being connected to the vine. John 15 has become an incredible picture. Stay connected to the vine. Remain in me. Abide...which to me naturally brings a sense of rest. It's only in that condition of heart, mind, and body that I will ever bear fruit...or figure out the details of life.

I'm working on it. This morning on the way into work, I stopped at the lilac bush outside the College doors and breathed deeply of the beautiful frangrance, filling my lungs and somehow, my soul, saying a prayer of thanks and repentance as I approached my day. It was a small gesture but a necessary reconditioning of myself to Him.

He is God and I am not.

Surrender.

Stop.

Listen.

Wait.

Follow.

If I'm in too much of a hurry am I really following? Have I truly put the person of Christ ahead of me on the journey? Am I keeping my focus on him as I'm careening out of control?


Slow down in both mind and body.

God is God and I am not.

While the busyness of our lives distracts us, somehow the stillness reminds me of that simple truth.

Current Read

Inkspell, Corneilia Funke

I know I said Harry Potter is next but I got a little distracted reading borrowed ones first so I can give them back. Makes sense, right?

I love international signs. Sometimes you just gotta laugh - I guess that's the funny thing about the English language. More to enjoy here.

Current Read

Amsterdam, Ian McEwan

Life is a Verb...

Verb…tells the subjects actions, events or state of being!

Enjoying...sunshine!
Listening...to everything and anything I can get my hands on
Reading....Amsterdam (Ian McEwan) and then on to Harry Potter (#4,5,6)!
Watching... tortoise videos on YouTube (thanks, Jeri!) and less TV now that it's warm outside
Thinking...about who I am (passion) and why God put me here in this time and place (purpose)Missing... my students, away for their summer break, and the life they bring!
Loving...dance lessons!
Playing...softball
Remembering…that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength…alone I’m a wimp!
Needing…to clean the house!
Anticipating...the arrival of my new macbook!
Eating...cherries!
Drinking...lotsa coffee...my comfort "food"
Disliking...the uncertainties of life
Celebrating...that there is reason for hope
Learning…to play the guitar…thanks Rob!
Counting...sheep…tonight...hopefully
Trying...to be more grateful for the good things God has given – the big and the little.


I stole this from Harmony's blog (thanks Harm!) 'cause I felt like it would make a good summary of life, not to mention that it would force me to think of some of the good things going on and I like to do that! I added a few of my own verbs though.

Current Read

The Dip, Seth Godin

Thanks Dayna!

Why do we do what we do?

I had an interesting thought/analogy about the life last night. Why do we do the things that we do? I think this is especially true about organizations but can apply to individuals. Do what we do because that's what we've always done, our of habit or duty, or is it about passionately pursuing purpose? About heart?

It's like in my first aid training. You find an unconscious, not breathing victim and your perform CPR, right? What are you doing? You're maintaining the mechanics of it. You're pushing the blood around and just basically keeping the body alive – functioning but not really alive. In fact, they're clinically dead. Not a bright thought before going to bed but it's true. It's not likely you're going to revive the person – 2% is the recent stat I was given on the percentage of people revived by CPR. That's why they bring out the little paddles and shock the person. There's an electrical component to the heart. It needs a shock to the system to reorient it and revive it…to get it running properly and to bring new life (Did I get that right, Tash?)

I got thinking about how often we get into just keeping things alive by maintaining the status quo or the mechanics, merely pumping the blood around doing what's always been done and keeping things running but not really alive.

We need a shock to the system to be revived, just like the heart does.

Will someone bring out the paddles?

Clear!

Ever Feel Like This?

I stole this from Sheryl's blog...the two of us have talked a lot about what our jobs require and what we put into it, how it can become all encompassing and, even though it does feel like "life" sometimes, that there is life outside of recruiting...really...

Current Read

"What wrecks the heart of someone who loves God is often the very thing God wants to use to fire them up to do something that, under normal circumstances, they would never attempt to do." pg 25

Holy Discontent, Bill Hybels

'Bout Me

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

You are a Rocker Girl!

If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's. Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know. Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime. Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Now you see it...

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant. You have an outrageous personality... And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down. Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance. You need to feel special at all times. You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique soul like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Eagle Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale You are active, a challenger, and optimistic. Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal.

The Animal Personality Test

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

...yah, okay, this is what happens when i'm just not ready to sleep...

Current Read

Jim and Casper Go To Church, Jim Henderson & Matt Casper

I'm only a little way in and have already decided that every church leader, perhaps every person who's been in the church for any length of time, should read this book. Beware. Only read it if you're willing to open minded about what we (aka the church) convey to the world around us and look through the eyes of those who don't regularly attend church. It'll be good for you...and for the Kingdom!

Surprise! The traffic report says slow going on the Deerfoot!

There are a lot of things I love about living in the south. I love the area. I love my cute little place. I especially love my roommate. I love that my friends and my church are all relatively close. Most days I don't even mind the drive to work.

Most days.

And then there's days like today. I don't understand why the Deerfoot is such a troublesome stretch of road. The city and province just finished pitching tons of money into a traffic safety audit to be told that people drive too fast and that they should put photo radar cameras up on the overpasses. Let's be honest. That's not going to fix the problem. People are still going to drive fast. Personally, I don't even think that driving 110 is the problem...at least not all of it but, before I start calling people names or post something that Jesus would be disappointed with, let me get back to my story.

Where was I?

Oh yes...most days.

Today wasn't one of those days that I enjoyed the drive. Typically it's 30 - 45 minutes, I listen to some good music or something on my iPod and I'm home. Not today.

Two hours from start to finish.

Sometimes standing still.

Hot, hot, hot (which I normally love) + no air condition = sticky and grumpy for 2 hours.

Unfortunate.

More unfortunate was finding out that south bound Deerfoot was closed because of a gas spill AFTER I was already stuck in the traffic ON the Deerfoot.

Thanks for the warning guys.

It was so bad that in some places, people had pulled their cars off the road and were lounging in the grass, I can only presume, until traffic started to move again.

All in all, I think I stayed pretty calm. I read. Yes, I read in my car. I listened to the radio announcers who, I must admit, were quit witty for the drive home. I prayed. I tried to shift around so I didn't stick to my seat. I even wrote a poem. Let me share it with you.

Sitting on the Deerfoot

Reading a leadership book

"Who reads a book on the Deerfoot?"

I think as my car overheats and I cook

All around me no one is moving

Traffic report says that there's been a spill

While it's not fun to sit on the Deerfoot,

I'm glad I'm not the one footin' the bill

I drive this road every day

The trip should be rather short

Does someone need to remind Calgarians

That driving isn't a full contact sport?

Okay, so it's not very good but it kept me from doing something stupid or getting overly grumpy. When you're sitting in a car, roasting your brain with 110 degree temperatures (that's Fahrenheit...it was my momma's first language and I picked it up too), you can't expect genius.

Anyway, it's a good thing that traffic being that crappy is an unusual thing!

"The greatest moments of the human spirit may be deduced from the greatest moments in music."

Aaron Copland

"Music is edifying, for from time to time it sets the soul in operation."
John Cage

Run for the Cup

This is a tough call for me. You've got Anaheim and Ottawa, neither team a favorite but Anaheim has Pronger and if they win it's likely he'll get all kinds of awards and recognition, not to mention the Conn Smythe Trophy and we can't let that happen but then Ottawa has Comrie and, well, arg, but then Ottawa is Canadian and have been shafted so many times so you just sort of feel for them but then Anaheim has 19 Canadian players, the most in the NHL this year and so it would be good for them but then....arg...

Let's be honest, I'm still stinging from the fact that last year this team we were cheering on my boys in blue and gold and now, well, we're not.

All in all, I think I pick Ottawa...in 6...

Music Makes the World Go Round

"Music is the best means we have of digesting time."

W. H. Auden

I've found that lately. Music reflects so much of who I am. It's a way for me to absorb what's going on. It's also a way for me to release what's going on. Odd, isn't it? I find the more emotional I am, whether that is up or down, the more I crave music in my life.

Lately, that's meant buying a lot of music. I am so thankful for iTunes gift cards and gift certificates for Best Buy!

Here's a bit of a list of what I've picked up in the last couple months:

Peter Bjorn and John, Writer's Block
Sam Roberts, We Were Born In Flame
Dierks Bentley, Modern Day Drifter
Paulo Nutini, These Streets
Vicki Beeching (great worship stuff...and it's nice for me to find a GIRL doing it well!I feel a little inspired...)
The Killers, Sam's Town
John Mayer, The Village Sessions
Pirates of the Caribbean: At Word's End Soundtrack
Catch and Release Soundtrack (so good!)

...and then some random singles courtesy of iTunes...Future of Forestry, MIKA, Blue Rodeo, Plain White T's, Jeremy Riddle...

A friend of mine passed the "Off the Clock, Vol. 1" disc from Starbucks on to me a while back and caught me up on some up and coming artists. Much appreciated!

I borrowed my brother's John Mayer, Room For Squares...sooo good...and Dave Berard's new Hillsong United CD...

Then at YC this past weekend, I got to enjoy some of the main stage performers: David Crowder (most unique!), Lincoln Brewster (Most surprising musicianship...wow!), United Live (always a fav), and Toby Mac (just plain fun. He puts on a pretty good show for an "older" white guy!).

It's great to have an outlet but I think I'm in need of a little less splurging...or a little more self control! The thing is there's always more music coming that I could add to the collection! I've got a list of music that I still want, not need, but want. Where's the balance between a hobby and an addiction? Between an appreciation for music and outright materialism? Yikes.

To give you an idea of what kind of potential trouble I'm talking about, let me show you "The list" in no particular order...
Tim Hughes, Holding Nothing Back
Josh Radin, We Were Here
Maroon 5, It Won't Be Soon Before Long
Last Kiss Soundtrack
Painted Veil Soundtrack
Micheal Buble, Call Me Irresponsible
Hawksley Workman
Spiderman 3 Soundtrack
Gnarls Barkley, St. Elsewhere
John Mayer Trio, Try
Jeremy Fisher, Goodbye Blue Monday
Joss Stone, Introducing Joss Stone
Snow Patrol, Final Straw
Keith Urban, In the Ranch
Memoirs of a Geisha sountrack

then there's all the random stuff like Death Cab For Cutie, Fratellis, Muse, Dustin Kensrue, Tegan and Sarah, Yellow Card, Feist...pretty much anything from Grey's Anatomy 'cause they know how to pick it...

See what I mean?!

It's ridiculous.

It probably needs to stop.

Probably.

I don't really want it to.

Perhaps some of that can be "explained" by losing all the stuff off my old computer but not really since not much of what's on "this list" is replacing any of that so probably not.

Excuses are for losers, call a spade a spade, I'm addicted to music.

It could be worse, right?

The real question is, how long do I actually listen to it once I get it. Perhaps it's time to "recycle" some of the old stuff.

Hmmm...at least I've found a couple good radio stations now. Calgary's new extreme (92.9 fm) is playing right into what I've been craving lately.

Surprise, surprise!

You Belong in Summer

Energetic, creative, and very curious about the world... You're not going to let anything hold you back, especially a cold day. Whether you're chilling out at the beach or partying all night, you live for the warm weather.

What Season Are You?

A Stolen Moment...

...or quote...that will only take a moment to read...okay so it was a shamless grab for a title. Deal with it. The quote is better. I stole it from my friend Tim's blog. It is the way I feel about church. Perhaps it's just me being stubborn. I have watched people all around me give up on the church (especially the institution of it) because of all of the politics, pride, misinterpretation, judgement and just plain sin that they see there...and, in many ways, I see their point. Leaving is one way of handling it. I just can't give up though. I don't feel that God gives up on us. I don't know what I can accomplish as one person but I know it's something. I truly believe that God is raising up a generation who is feeling enough discontent with the way things are in the institution of the church and are searching for a better way, a more authentic, godly way, and will begin change by His power and His Spirit.

So that was a big leadup to a stolen quote. Here it is:

"We're going to stop complaining about the church that we've experienced and try to become the church that we dream of."

Shane Clairborne
The Simple Way

I am excited about what we can accomplish when we make that our focus. Stop complaining and get to work.

Current Read

Children of Hurin, J.R.R. Tolkien

From "Sex God"

When we're not at peace, when we aren't content, when we aren't in a good place, our radar gets turned on. We're looking. Searching. And we're sensory creatures, so it won't be long before something, or somebody, catches our attention.

And it always revolves around the "if," doesn't it?

If I just...

The idea creeps into our head and heart that we are lacking, that we are incomplete, that this craving in front of us is the answer.

The "if" means we have become attached to the idea that we are missing something and that we can b e satisfied by whatever it is we have in our sights. There's a hole, a space, a gap, and we're on the search. And we may not even realize it. When we are in the right place, the right space - content and at peace - we aren't on the search, and our radar gets turned off.

Adam and Eve fixate on this one piece of fruit from this one tree when God has given them endless trees with infinite varieties of fruit to enjoy. Which is our problem. There's so much to enjoy, and yet we fixate on something we don't have.

This is why gratitude is so central to the life God made us for. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, on the life we do get to live, we'll contantly be looking for another life. That is why the word remember occurs again and again in the Bible. God commands his people to remember who they are, where they've been, what they've seen, what's been done for them. If we stop remembering, we may forget. And that's when the trouble comes...

...freedom is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it.

Rob Bell
Sex God, pg 73-75

Current Read

The Five People You Meet In Heaven, Mitch Albom

It's a quick read - I just finished it - but beware, it made me cry...

Check this out...Shauna has been around the ABC community from time to time and makes the coolest shoes. You can go to John Close's blog (link on left 'cause I'm too lazy to link it for you today) and find her website to see all of her designs. They're pretty fun...like Shauna!

My sister posted this on her facebook...I wanted to put it up here so anyone who wants can join us in prayer:

Tara Sparshu (no network) wroteat 12:10pm on May 16th, 2007

To anyone who is reading this I am requesting lots of prayers today. A friend of mine is missing!!!! I know that sounds weird but she is classed as a missing person. She started her deaf studies classes at the university on May 7. She is living with a family in the city for the first two semester (until September)....anyways she was at class the first day and a half and since tuesday nobody has seen her..she hasn't been to class....she hasn't been home...she isn't returning phone calls....isn't checking her machine as her inbox is full....she isn't answering email. They are tracing her bank activity trying to get some clues and they found activity in Winnipeg this weekend. We are all very concerned....her dad is a mess...please pray for her dad and forLeanne that she is okay and that she will come home soon. Thanks

Encouragement from a Coworker

This was in an email from a coworker to a couple of us this morning. Wise, isn't it!?

What God wants for us and from us has something central to do with
what we most deeply and truly want for ourselves.

James Fowler


I really believe this is true for the spiritually mature while completely honest with introspection. In our quest to find out what God wants from us, we must first find out what we “most deeply and truly want for ourselves.”

Debunking the Myth

We find a comic like this funny, if you did, because it's just so darn stereotypical.

Lately there seems to be a lot of conversation about singleness, both mine and just in general. I have to confess that, at the risk of sounding bitter, I'm pretty tired of the stereotypes. I'm coming to realize that there's a lot of misunderstanding about what it means and what it looks like to be single, to be older and single more specifically, especially in the church. So I'm going to tell some things that I'm learning. I'm going to talk about "me" but for the most part, I suspect, I can safely speak for many of my fellow "singles."

First of all, let me talk about the 'old maid' thing. Sure, in church circles we tend to see couples getting married young, around 20 or 21 (it's funny how the older I get, the younger that sounds!) but the reality is that the national average is much higher. Here's some recent stats I found. In 2003, in Canada (excluding Ontario), the average age of persons marrying for the first time (to someone of the opposite sex) was 30.6 years for men and 28.5 years for women.
In 2002, in Canada (excluding Ontario), it was 30.4 years for men and 28.3 years for women.
The data for Canada (including Ontario) from 1973 to 2002 indicate that the average age at first marriage of newlyweds, who married someone of the opposite sex, gradually rose among men and women. In 1973, the average age at which men (25.2 years) and women (22.8 years) married for the first time was about five years lower than in 2003. This gradual rise in the average age at first marriage is largely due to couples cohabiting and delaying marriage. We're just talking about averages. I'm not that old. I'm under the average.

Last week the Calgary Herald wrote an article titled "Single and Happy." The basic premise was that, surprisingly enough, not all single people are sad, lonely, desperate, depressed people. It's true!!! I will never for one minute deny that I have times where I'm lonely or I wish that there was someone to share my life with. I can't say that I've never spent an evening with some of my married friends and gone home wishing that I had what they have. I can't say that I'm never frustrated with singleness in general, particularly the lack of other single people around me. This is where I point out that I recognize that I don't have to be ashamed for those moments where I do long for that kind of relationship. I don't. I'm not. Genesis talks about how God saw man - Adam - alone and said it wasn't good. He creates Eve from his side to be a helpmate, a partner or a companion to Adam. And then it was good. I've been blessed to see that lived out. My mom and dad along with many of their friends have been an amazing model of that in the midst of a world that doesn't do it all so well. My grandparents have blessed me with an image that makes me desire to have what they have instead of running away screaming. It is good. All of that said, I've learned, and it's been a process, that I live in today. That I don't have to be happy with being single forever - I don't have to look that far ahead - but I can trust that God knows what I desire and what I need and I can make the choice to be content for today. I've realized too, that sometimes I will deal with loneliness. It's because we're wired for community.

Here's a myth I need to address because I'm a little tired of smiling and nodding while reminding myself of the individuals good intentions every time it comes up. Ever heard this one: "When you're right with God, he'll provide for you." You know what? I believe in God's timing and I'm trusting in it. I believe that God is able to provide. I believe that my relationship with Him is the most important relationship I'll ever have and that it's critical for me to have it right. BUT to imply that I'm single because my relationship with God isn't right isn't right, fair, kind or loving and if it's meant to be encouraging, let me tell you, it isn't. Okay, so I might be bitter about that one. I'll work on my attitude about that.

While we often recognize that it's God bringing two people together, I think we have a hard time balancing that with doing our part. What I mean is, no one's going to find you if you're hiding in your room. I understand that. Most of us do. We can't just be waiting for someone to sweep us off our feet. So I get out. I do the things I love to do and represent the things I value and I do them with a variety of people. On the other hand, you don't just go out and "find someone." It's just not that easy. There are some people who have the fairy tale, love at first sight, met their true love story. Some of them were young when it happened. For others that's not the case, at least not yet.

I was hanging out with my 14 year old cousin not that long ago. At one point, she looked at me and said, "you'd be a great mom. you should have kids." I appreciate that. I would love to have kids and I really do desire, when that happens, to be a good mom to those God should bless me with. That people see that in me now is affirming. What followed next was a little more difficult: "why don't you?" At that moment I stumbled over how to explain it all. "Well, um, to be a mom, I'd need to have someone to be the dad." Even at the most physical level that's true, right? She looks up at me and innocently says, "well, then what are you waiting for?" Oh dear cousin, if only it were that easy. She's not the only one to have that sort of conversation with me. Is it fair to say that I live today conscious of where I am AND of where I hope to be? That I live in an awareness of who and what is going on around me but that I also cannot force the issue? That I recognize that there IS a balance between the work of God and the work of man (yes, pun intended)?

I do not need to be pitied. Please don't feel sorry for me. Just treat me as a friend and I'm okay. Being single isn't a curse. The only time that I feel like I'm somehow complete or insignificant compared to my married peers is when that is put on me, when someone "tells" me that I should be. It's not all that odd either...to be single, I mean. I read this morning that 44% of adults in Canada are single as of the most recent census. I am not alone...in my aloneness...interesting, isn't it? There are many types of intimacy and care. As a single woman, I need good friends around. All I'm saying is love me, don't feel sorry for me. There's a fine line between pity and care...please care.

To go along with that one, can I ask that if you're thinking of match making for me or any other single people you know, consider the individuals involved. Here's another myth: that if someone is older and single (read over 25), then their standards must be too high. While that may be a factor, I'm not willing to swing the pendulum so far as to simply look for someone male, single and breathing. Do you see where I'm going with this? Just because two people are single, doesn't make them a match made in heaven. Maybe. Not necessarily. Consider the individuals. Values. Interests. Character. Things like that. That's all I'm saying. Single people are exactly that, people. If you're married, consider the things you were looking for in a spouse and check your matchmaking requirements with that in mind. If you're single and looking out for a friend, consider what you would like. Most of all, consider what you know of your friend.

There are people I would trust to "help" me find someone. They are the people that know who to look for and how to go about it in a way that's edifying to me...and that "special someone." They see my strengths that will be enhanced by a partner and know my weaknesses that will be balanced. They get it. And I trust them.

I came into contact with a couple that I know. We haven't spoke in almost a year. Before even asking me how I was doing, they announced that while they knew it was awkward, they wanted to have me over for dinner because they have a whole lineup of guys for me to meet. Yes. That is awkward. Now, I don't mean to sound completely ungrateful because I know that in their own way, they were doing what they thought was a good thing. I just would have preferred that they ask me how I am...that I could trust that they knew me well enough to find someone for me...that I felt that they would want to spend time with me because of me and not because I was a project.

That's not the only story like that have.

On the other hand, I have a couple of friends that rarely speak of me being single. We hang out all the time and I don't feel like a third wheel. They occasionally joke about someone they think would be great for me but they don't really "match make." Funny thing is, I know that if they should ever bring someone around for me to meet, it would be well though out and done with care and tact. It makes all the difference.

Like I said, I don't mean to sound ungrateful. Often it's with some rant about how great I am and how sad it is that I'm single or how some guy is missing out because he's not with me or how all the guys around must be stupid to not have snagged me up earlier or......I know they meant to encourage and to build me up, especially because, for the most part, they've got a great marriage and want the same for me, but somehow it only makes me feel like I've got a third eye or am missing a body part or something. I'm not a failure because I'm single. Yes, I know that I'm pretty terrific and that some guy is missing out...but if he's good enough for me than I'm missing out too...but then God knows all of that so really, no one is missing out! Funny how that all works, huh?

Moreover, and this is the most important of all for me, I choose to not be defined by my single status. I think that all of us are defined by much more than whether we're married or single. That is a factor but not the whole picture.

So how do I want to be defined?

By my Kingdom heritage...I'm a child of the King.

By my character.

By how I show Jesus.

By how I love.

By how I listen.

By joy and contentedness in the midst of the mess.

By my desire to learn and grow.

By my love for activity and people and reading and life.

By my smile, even if I don't always like my teeth.

By my ability to just hang out with the little people - I mean the children - in my life.

By how I love my family and friends.

By how I contribute to the kingdom.

One of the most kind things said to me recently was from a good friend of mine. She told me that her and her husband don't see me as "Stacey our single friend" but as "Stacey our friend." That's important to me. That's how I want to be defined.

This is a journey for me and, as long as I'm single, it will be a journey for me. I know that I have single brothers and sisters in different places in the journey and my prayer is that as I learn and grow in confidence in who God has made me, I pray that I can be an example to them. For any single friends reading this, please know that you do not have to be defined by your singleness either. You don't have to be depressed, lonely, desperate or "on a hunt"...at least not as a state of being. If there's seasons of those emotions, it's okay and it's natural. Just don't live there. You're worth more than that. Know you're not alone even when it feels that way. You are not less. You are not insignificant. You are not odd. It's not your fault. You can contribute in very valuable ways. God will use you and he certainly has not forgotten about you.

Current Read

Sex God: Exploring the Endless connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality, Rob Bell

I'm just a Big Geek

It's one of my favorite times of year: time for the Calgary Herald Book drive. It's like an adventure...of literary proportions. Oh dear. Stop now. See, I'm just a big geek. On that note, no one has to comment about that fact. I know already. Oh boy! Anyway....here's an article from the Herald to tell you a bit about it...


Rare gems among deluge of donations

Graeme Morton, Calgary HeraldPublished: Saturday, May 12, 2007

Inese Clark must feel like a pirate searching for hidden literary treasure in an ocean of books.
Clark, a retired teacher/librarian, has been co-ordinating the special books section of the Calgary Book Drive and Sale, supported by the Herald, for the past four years.
She's responsible for locating books with unique monetary or nostalgic value out of the estimated half million volumes volunteers will sort through during the next four weeks. They are offered for sale in a designated area of the event tent at the Crossroads Market, located at the junction of Blackfoot Trail and Ogden Road S.E.

"I've had a keen interest in collectible books for a long time," says Clark. She has combined that passion with her librarian's background and the expertise of Cameron Treleaven, owner of Calgary's Aquila Books, who acts as a consultant on rare volumes for the book drive.

Clark says a first-edition copy of Charles Dickens' epic Bleak House is one of the most unique literary treasures that's surfaced during the donation process.

"We also get quite a few local, Alberta and military unit histories printed in limited editions that are quite attractive to collectors," says Clark.

She says some of the rare books come from families cleaning out grandma's attic, but other people intentionally donate valuable volumes as a way of supporting the beneficiaries of the book sale, the Servants Anonymous Society and Herald literacy programs.

"Not all the books we get are necessarily high-priced, but they might be just what someone has been looking for," says Clark.

"The year (Alberta conservationist) Andy Russell died, we had a great run on his books. Or it may be someone who is especially nostalgic for a favourite book from their childhood like the Hardy Boys, Tom Swift or the Bobbsey Twins."

gmorton@theherald.canwest.com

The fifth annual Calgary Herald Book Drive and Sale raises money to support the Servants Anonymous Society and Calgary Herald literacy programs.

Used books in good condition will be collected at Calgary's 33 fire halls starting today. The sale will take place June 8 to 10 and June 15 to 17 at the Crossroads Market.

The book drive still requires volunteers to help with the sorting of the hundreds of thousands of books. Those interested are asked to call 205-5540.

Current Read

Diggers, Terry Pratchett

So much fun and quick to read. The only "problem" is that it's part of a trilogy and I don't have #3!!!

Remember your dreams and fight for them. You must know what you want from life. There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure. Never forget your Personal Legend. Never forget your dreams. Your silent heart will guide you. Be silent now. It is the possibility of a dream that makes life interesting. You can choose between being a victim of destiny or an adventurer who is fighting for something important.

-- Paulo Coelho
Novelist. His works include The Alchemist, The Zahir and The Devil and Miss Prym.

In reality hell is not such an intention of God as it is an invention of man. God is love and people are precious. Authentic truth is not so much taught or learned as it is remembered. Somewhere in your pre-incarnate consciousness you were loved absolutely because you were. Loved absolutely, and in reality, you still are! Remember who you are!

-- Bishop Carlton Pearson

Current Read

Truckers, Terry Pratchett

All Preachers Beware

It's pretty old but, if you haven't seen this before, take a look.

Trunk Monkies

This is for anyone that played softball with me this past Tuesday! Enjoy!

The Winds of Change

"Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."

- Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

I just wish I knew what that meant for me right now!

*Thanks for posting it, Katie! I know it means something to you too!

If you've got a minute today...

please pray for the staff of the college today. we've got some interesting meetings of some pretty significant importance. Pray for wisdom, discernment, understanding and unity!
Thanks!

Current Read

The funny thing is that I'm only partly kidding about these being my current, or at least most recent, reads.

I had the privilege of spending most of my weekend with some great little people. On Saturday I helped my friend, Reinette, host a spa party for her daughter's birthday. We had a living room full of 9 year olds being spoiled. It was so fun and, truthfully, a little funny to watch as these girls became little ladies, if even just for the afternoon. Facials, manicures and pedicures for all! I looked over at one point and there were 3 little girls with their feet resting in the foot spa, reading their magazine, drinking orange juice from champagne flutes and chatting just like grown ups. I guess some of that is just instinctual for us ladies! It struck me how when we're young, we long to be grown up, idealizing and romanticizing the adult world...then we get there and look back and long for the days of our childhood. What I wouldn't give for someone to tell me that it's time for an afternoon nap!!

Sunday I got to hang out with Fred and Tasha's little darlings, Samantha and Nathan, while they went out to celebrate their anniversary (Happy Anniversary, guys! Hope you had a great time). This is where the Dr. Suess books came in. Sammy and I read all three of them several times during the day! Anyway, that's how I spent my Sunday and I have to admit that I think those two are seriously two of the cutest kids alive. I love hanging out with them! Nathan is such a content little guy with a killer smile. I wish I could be more like that! Samantha amazes me, really. Perhaps this is all little kids, but I was reminded again of the innocence of childhood and to take joy in the little things. We were outside enjoying the sun and she spent most of our time fascinated with bugs, not quite ready to touch them mind you, and splashing in the water in her little water table. That's joy...for both of us, although I think mine was because of her.

There certainly is a reason that we are told to approach God as a little child. There really is something to it.

Hang out with a little kid or two for even a couple hours. You'll see what I mean. They are pretty good teachers, too. And, if nothing else, you get to read some Dr. Seuss without anyone questioning your reading level...or maturity. It's great!!

So I get this email from one of my pastor friends...